After a week in NY with SSA but without my mom, it’s another difficult Sunday to publish the blog. It still seems impossible that she wasn’t there, isn’t here. It’s her birthday today – 71. She wanted to make it to this birthday but I know there’d always be a “next thing” to make it to and the grief is still so raw that today doesn’t feel harder than yesterday. I’m already always thinking of her.

But grief and loss aside, Steven, Sammy and Amaya had a great week in New York. Truly. It was even better for them than I’d hoped and I’m so grateful for that. I was worried it would be too hard to stay at the Airbnb but it wasn’t – it was comfortable and normal and it kept us close to Papa. I hope I’ll stay there again, to be honest.

I worked from NY every morning and the kids were great about entertaining themselves until I was ready to leave at 11am. (Devices! Screen time!) On Monday and Tuesday, Chase and Charlie were there, too, for extra cousin time.

Papa knew a big “see ya later” was a lost cause with tv and phones and ipods and switches in the picture and was a very good sport about it.

Sara didn’t have work on Monday so we took the kids to Dave & Busters where they ran around and quickly spent down their cards while we had a drink at the bar. Then we went to Sugar Crazy where the kids all loaded up on some candy.

For dinner, SSA and I met Savta at Venus – a local West Hempstead diner that I practically grew up at.

Tuesday, all five kids were back at the house while I worked. After lunch, we stopped by Allen and Syvia’s house to visit them and their dog Millie before we drove further out east to a trampoline place. I was able to work more while the kids jumped and jumped.

Dinner was back at the Airbnb for everyone except me because I was able to meet up with my friends Wayne and Carianne for dinner while Auntie and Savta stayed with the kids. I was so grateful for their time because trying to make plans was a reminder that I couldn’t ask my mom to help.

Amaya never forgot a dose of her medicine the entire trip.

The gang

Wednesday was another perfect beach day and, this time, we headed down to the ocean. The kids hunted for shells, played in the ocean and dug holes in the sand.

My view. I’d love to be back there right now.

Amaya, Charlie and Chase had a great time duck diving and jumping over some of the bigger waves.

Amazing how a shovel is hours of entertainment at the beach.

Sunbathing ladies

Auntie came to the beach. <3 (Savta, too, but she stayed up by the cabana. It’s a long walk down to the ocean.)

Savta brought binoculars which thrilled Steven

Wednesday was Nana and Papa’s 36th wedding anniversary so we all went out for dinner in Rockville Centre and then across the street to Nana’s favorite ice cream shop. More bitter than sweet at this point, but it was special to be together.

Trying to remember what was going on here. I think I was telling the boys not to pretend to punch each other because it was inevitable one would eventually land.

I don’t have the same association with Five Pennies but those local to Nana definitely know how she loved it here.

On Thursday we had lunch with Gene at Venus. Amaya wanted to go back because she loved the matzah ball soup. When we arrived and were seated, the waitress said hello to Gene and then asked if “these are the triplets” before asking the kids about Michigan. Papa is a regular. 🙂

Favorite soup!

We had an incredible afternoon out on Uncle Arnie and Aunt Dale’s boat. All the Goldbergs came along with Sailor, our cousin Glori’s teenage daughter. It was a hot day which made the temp perfect when we were moving and perfect in the water.

Captain Steven, up top.

Front of the boat as we cruised through the water was spectacular. (In fact, I fell asleep there on the way back.)

We anchored in Cold Sprint Harbor. Uncle Arnie took all the kids out on the speed boat, two rides apiece! The looooved it.

A huge amazing raft that was tethered to the boat. Sara and I had our turn there, too.

After dinner we all went back to Aunt Dale and Uncle Arnie’s house where Glori and Mark joined us for dinner. It was a such a nice day. <3

Friday, despite the threat of rain, we went back to the beach. We made it about 2 hours (not bad!) before the skies opened up and we high tailed it to Sara & Dave’s house. Unfortunately that was also the exact moment Vidya and her daughters arrived at the beach. But Vidya is amazing and so are her kids and they all joined me at Sara’s so we could spend much needed time catching up.

Through the week, the kids played with the legos that Nana kept at the house for visits.

We had a last night in NY dinner. Auntie was here, too, and Dod Shuki also stopped by.

A “fashionable hat”.

And off we went back to MI. It was very difficult for me but we did it.

I’ve been running all month. In fact, in the first 27 days of the month I spent just 6 nights at home. So, to decompress, I spent the night alone at a local hotel while Jason and the kids caught up after a week apart.

Taking advantage of the music and games on the closed streets of Northville.

Today was quiet an uneventful. Emotional for some of us, ordinary for others. I’m looking forward toward ordinary.

The kids have one more week and then they’re off to third grade so it will (mostly) be quiet and calm. Lots of downtime as they gear up for school.

I couldn’t publish a blog last week. It was too much, too soon. This is still hard because the blog feels normal and nothing is normal right now, but we’re working on it and this is just one more step. I also think about just how much I have documented for Steven, Sammy and Amaya because of the blog, and how they’ll get to see their lives with Nana. Every single visit is here. So that’s another motivator to keep it going because there are so many other relationships I want to continue to capture in this space.

This was a good-enough week, which is good-enough right now. The kids had their last week of camp and then we headed to NY for our pre-planned vacation week at the airbnb across from Nana and Papa’s house. Our NY trips are so important to me and not going would send the absolute wrong signal. Also, I learned so much from my mom about resiliency and getting on that plane was an important way to show Steven, Sammy and Amaya that, no matter what, we go on.

So, our week…

Amaya wasn’t feeling well when she left NY and, Sunday night, was up late with an ear ache. We kept her home from camp and Sophia took her to a dr appointment where it was confirmed that she has a double ear infection. (But no covid! Who knew we’d have a time when ear infections were a welcome diagnosis?)

I love how Steven loves his hair. Amaya and Sammy got dirt in it while they were playing and he told Sophia, “they don’t get it because they don’t have amazing, beautiful curly hair.”

By Tuesday, Amaya was ready to head back to camp for the last week of the summer. I loved this look!

Eating lunch outside, I was visited by 7 neighborhood deer. We were all so still.

For the final week of camp, the kids chose Bakeoff camp. They baked all week and then had a bake-off in teams of four. I think the boys said their cake won best texture and Amaya’s team took the prize for tallest cake. Steven was kind of disappointed that there wasn’t an overall winner. The bakeoff definitely brought out his competitive streak.

Overall, I think the camp season was a success. The kids really liked being able to pick their weekly camp themes and have even started talking about what they’ll want to do next summer. And, believe it or not, the school year will allow the kids to sleep later! We leave for the camp bus at 7:25am compared to a school bus pick-up on our block after 8am. That will be nice for all of us.

Steven and Sammy’s bakeoff team

Amaya’s bakeoff team

On Friday the kids and I boarded the plane for NY. It was hard, but we did it.

Papa has been amazing. I’m so used to Nana just being there for us and Papa is with us every step of the way, unloading our grocery delivery before we arrived, bringing over laundry detergent and just being totally awesome, as usual.

The kids and Charlie playing out front while Sara and Papa sit on the front porch across the street.

On Saturday, Sara, Charlie, SSA and I headed up to Westchester for a Goldstein get together at Spencer and Jamie’s pool. Besides Spencer & Jamie and their kids, Uncle Bob, Aunt Denise, Alex, Chadwick, Craig, Sebastien and Jamie’s mom were there. It was really great family time. We even weathered a random midswim thunder storm.

Amaya living her best life

Uncle Bob in the pool with the kids

Trying to stay dry

Back at it!

On the way home we stopped by to see Savta for a few minutes. (Sammy was asleep so I stayed in the car with him.)

Books before bed. 🙂

Today we did another Very Hard Thing and went to the beach, to the cabana. This morning Sammy even asked if we still have the cabana now that Nana died. We’ve been going here the kids entire lives. Multiple days each summer when we come to visit. They’re so comfortable there and it’s always been a really special place for me to take SSA. I cried for about half the drive to the beach, and when we arrived, and then I was okay-enough. Good enough. And the kids had a great day which was the most important thing to me.

Steven spent at least three hours of the day working on this big hole. Sometimes he was alone, for a little while he was with his siblings, and sometimes he was with other kids who were at the beach. The boy was focused.

Cousins

Auntie and Savta came. <3

Sammy, Amaya and Charlie went swimming three times throughout the day, once with Papa.

Steven and I spent about an hour and a half down at the ocean together. It was beautiful. He went in the water, searched for shells and made friends with a family who had a metal detector.

“My body told me to go over there for a big shell and look what I found.”

We were at the beach for a little over 6 hours and, on our way out, made a last minute call to go eat at an outdoor clam bar that we always went to with Nana. One more Hard Thing, and we all had a good time.

The kids and I are here through the week and will continue to figure out our new way of being here. We’ve got this.

There are no words to describe the pain and grief we are feeling after saying goodbye to my beautiful, strong, loving, dynamic mother this morning. The loss is truly immeasurable.

I am sure I will be back to honor her in this space again but today, on the day we said goodbye, I feel driven to publish a Sunday blog like I always would – only all for her.

Before I share some photos of my mom with her absolute favorite people, I want to share her obituary, which will never be enough to sum up all she was and all she meant to us:

Ellen Shifrin, 70, of West Hempstead, NY died on August 7, 2022  at her home, surrounded by her family.

Born on August 28th, 1951, to Robert and Kerry Weintraub (Kier), Ellen spent her life in New York dedicated to her family and the pursuit and support of Jewish learning. She spent years as a religious school principal, working with the Hillel Institute to teach Jewish culture to individuals converting to Judaism and loved sharing Jewish traditions with her five grandchildren. In her husband’s words, she was a true woman of valor.

A giant in a tiny frame, Ellen lived an active life strengthening her body and mind through yoga, bike riding, and strength training which included her proudest physical accomplishment – flipping tractor tires. A continuous learner, she loved word games and looked for opportunities to continue her own education. Up until her last week of life, she still regularly participated in an adult Hebrew class.

For more than a decade, Ellen was a champion of Sunrise Day Camp, a camp dedicated to supporting children with cancer. Today, at the camp, campers can also exercise their minds and bodies at Ellen’s Yoga Quad.

Ellen is survived by her grandchildren who were the greatest source of joy in her life: Chase, Charlie, Steven, Sammy and Amaya; as well as her husband, Eugene; mother, Kerry; sister, Anita (Josh); daughters Joanna (Jason) and Sara (David) and her step-son Austin (Krissy). She was predeceased by her father, Robert and first husband – father of her daughters – Steven.

I love you forever, Mommy. And we’ll remember you forever, Mommy. Nana.